Considering Divorce?

If you are considering divorce, you should contemplate staying married if there is any chance you and your spouse can work through the issues mentioned above. There is always a way to overcome any marital issues and stop considering divorce if you can recommit to staying married.

It is possible to love your spouse but not be able keep a strong healthy marriage when some of the issues mentioned above are unresolved. Love is very important in your decision regarding considering divorce but isn't enough to keep you happily married. You don't have to love your spouse to stay married. You can fall in love again with your spouse, the person you fell head over heals for, if the foundations of respect, trust, commitment, common goals and vision are solid in the relationship.

How do you stay married and no longer look to get a divorce? One thing you might want to do is commit to treating each other at the very least like a friend (with love, respect, honesty, unselfishness, acceptance, etc). If you can care enough about each other to at least at like friends it will go a long way to strengthening the foundation of your relationship.

Here are 10 touch points* you may need to work on together to stop you from considering getting a divorce and could be contributing to your marital problems;

1. Violations of trust, breaking promises, lying, cheating in relationships. These obvious violations of trust almost always result in relationship problems. If the basic trust in a love relationship is repeatedly broken, problems accumulate and the motivation to stay together decreases. Couples in loving relationships can learn to reconcile their differences, and even survive a physical or emotional affair, without anger or bitterness.
2. Imbalance of power in relationships. Couples may be more likely to split up when one partner has more decision-making power than the other. When one person makes all the decisions about activities, friends, financial matters, household matters, and vacations, the relationship isn't balanced or loving, and quickly becomes unstable. Both partners should equally share the decision-making power.
3. Acceptance of stereotypes in relationships. This was once a more common reason relationships failed, but it still exists today! Mistaken gender myths include beliefs such as "Men should earn more money than women" or "Women should stay at home and raise the kids." If couples believe these stereotypes, they create false expectations that can lead to splitting up.
   
4. Isolation from friends and family. This reason for splitting up is based on fear and insecurity; new couples may isolate themselves from other people because they're "in love and want to be together." A brief period of cocooning is normal for many couples, but it's far healthier to interact with other people regularly.
   
5. Lack of self-knowledge for couples. If one or both partners aren't in tune with their own interests, needs, desires, future plans, goals, values, and preferences, then it's difficult for them to build a better marriage or healthy love relationship. Self-knowledge helps partners communicate who they are and what they want in a relationship, which can prevent problems.
   
6. Low self-esteem, insecurity, and lack of self-confidence. Relationships fail because one partner feels unworthy of being loved. This insecurity can lead to possessiveness and dependence, which isn't healthy for either partner in the love relationship.
   
7. Excessive jealousy in love relationships. "Jealousy is cited as one of the most frequent causes of the breakup of romantic relationships," writes Roger Hock. Delusional jealousy can trigger abuse and violence, which can (and should) cause a relationship breakup! Delusional jealousy isn't a common reason for couples to split up, but normal jealousy can be.
8. Ineffective communication in love relationships. Both partners need to be able to share their thoughts, feelings, opinions, values, needs, frustrations, and joys. Sometimes couples avoid speaking honestly and hide their true selves, which may not always lead to a break up, but it doesn't strengthen their bond!
   
9. Control issues in relationships. If one partner is trying to control or manipulate the other, the relationship can become weak or destructive. Controlling behaviors include checking up on the partner, name-calling, threatening the partner, requiring the partner to check in all the time, or not allowing any deviations from the schedule. These signs of obsessive love may not cause the couple to split up, but it is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
   
10. Unhealthy physical behavior in love relationships. This is an obvious relationship problem that should lead to an immediate break up! Physical, intimate, and emotional abuse are attempts to gain total control over a partner. Though relationships like this should end immediately, couples stay together stay for various reasons.

If you've recently been through a relationship breakup and want to get back together with your ex, you might find   The Magic Of Making Up helpful.

If you're unhappily married, try   Considering Divorce Save My Marriage Today , it includes how to avoid the most common reasons for divorce. 

Stop Considering Divorce and Rebuild Your Marriage

Divorce is an unfortunate reality in our society today and it seems like we all know someone who is divorced or is considering getting a divorce. It wasn't that long ago when couples would go the extra mile to rebuild their marriage and considering divorce was a last resort.

I'm sure deep down inside you really desire to stop considering divorce and rebuild your marriage. You didn't invest your heart and soul into your relationship just to see it end in divorce.

However, you are frustrated, disappointed, angry, hurt, miserable and lonely right? So how can you save your marriage when you feel so horrible all the time?

Well just as millions of people get divorced each year just as many or more people considering divorce make changes to turn around their marriage. Instead of giving up they fight to keep their family together and they rebuild their marriage and so can you.

One of the problems couples face in getting their marriage back on track and stop considering divorce is that there is so much information or misinformation available for married couples. Sometimes it good information and sometimes it's bad. Unfortunately, bad advice can speed up your divorce instead of stopping it.

Another problem is that everyone has advice these days and it's so easy to give it. Advice can come via email, text message, instant message, phone call or over an expensive cup of coffee at Starbucks. You don't even need to be asking for advice but you will be told how to divorce your spouse or how to change your spouse. Again, some advice will be good and some will be terrible.

Marriage no doubt today is more complicated than it was years ago. Just take for example the technology that exists today that wasn't around 30 or 40 years ago. Cell phones can be a blessing in your marriage because you can easily stay in touch with your honey. They can also be a nightmare if your spouse finds questionable text messages that you have to explain. The same goes for emails.

The roles that husbands and wives fulfill in marriages today are different as well. Years ago it was normal for the husband to go out and earn a living to support the family and the wife took care of the home. Today in a lot of homes both spouses work and that can be a plus or a minus. It's very easy for couples to focus more on their careers and individual lives that they don't stop and consider building their marriage and before they know it they are considering divorce.

So how do you stop considering divorce and rebuild your marriage?

First, you make up in your mind that you will not get divorced. You or your spouse may be ready to throw in the towel but as long as you haven't divorced yet there is time to rebuild your marriage.

Second, you want to avoid mistakes that can make matters worse such as;

Trying to convince your spouse that you will change for real this time usually doesn't work. If you have broken promises in the past over and over again, why should you be believed now? All you will do is confirm why considering divorce is on the table and not trying to rebuild your marriage.

Trying to convince your spouse that you really do love them! Love is an action and how you have treated them in the past demonstrated your love. Saying "I love you" and showing how much you love your spouse are different.

Trying to use guilt to get your spouse to no longer consider getting a divorce! You will come across as selfish and just wanting to have things your way. Again, you may just confirm why your spouse doesn't want to rebuild your marriage and is considering a divorce.

As you begin to try and rebuild your marriage you want to avoid arguing. If you are considering divorce there will be very little benefit gained from arguing all the time. Sure it will feel like you are fighting to keep your marriage together but your confrontational attitude could be one of the reasons why your spouse is considering divorce.

Positive steps you can take to build a better marriage;

Make time for your spouse every day to express your love and affection. You should allow 15 to 30 minutes each day to devote time for bed cuddling or other ways for reaffirming your love for each other. Wanting to spend time with one another communicates our level of affection for each other.

Make time for having meaningful conversations where you can show your support for each other. You should be as attentive as you were when you were dating.

Pay attention to your spouse and compliment your spouse regularly. Total devotion and dedication mirror affection. Love and affection are not for the moment but forever. Commit that your love for your spouse will be as strong. We can let others know our delight with our spouses.

You should look for ways to please one another - for instance, wearing his or her favorite perfume or cologne.

Also, love your spouse in the way he/she wants to be loved and don't assume that the things that please you will please your spouse as well. For example, you may think that a box of chocolate is a perfect Valentine's Day gift, but to your spouse who hates chocolate it's a thoughtless gift. Remember, the perfect gift is one that your spouse wants and not what you want them to have.

Discover the step-by-step secrets to stop considering divorce and rebuild your marriage. Your marriage can be saved but you have to take the first step. You can get the ball rolling right now.

*Source: Human Sexuality (2nd Edition) by Roger Hock.