Archive | December 2015

Marriage Trouble – When Your Marriage Might Be In Trouble

Marriage trouble is not a question of if but when. Marriage can be great if you are blessed with the right person for you or hellish if you made the biggest mistake of your life. Of course there is an in-between but it for the most part just depends on how long you have been married. If you are only a few years into to it you’re just figuring things out. If you are 5 to 7 years into it you’re probably trying to figure out how to get out of it. Some folks are of the opinion that if you make it past 10 years you’ve got a shot to go the distance.

Let’s be honest about your marriage. I’m guessing you really had no idea what you were doing. You were so blinded by love or lust that you headed into marriage with blinders on. I believe that’s how most of us entered into matrimony. Our thinking was, were in love and that’s all that matters. Unfortunately as the song in the 80’s stated, “Whats love got to do with it, it’s just a second hand emotion?” Is this really true? Is love just a second hand emotion?

marriage troubleThere are some signs that might give you a clue that your marriage is in trouble. I have listed some random thoughts below for your reading pleasure about marriage trouble. They are in no particular order but rather as they popped into my mind. I hope none of these are present in your relationship.

Marriage Trouble

  • Your spouse never hugs or kisses you anymore
  • You read an intimate text message on your spouse’s phone
  • If your spouse showers and sprays perfume or cologne before heading to the gym
  • When you get a call from someone asking who you are (probably a jealous affair partner)
  • If your spouse shows very little concern over health issues you are dealing with
  • When your spouse is trying to hide expenses from you
  • If your marital problems are being posted on social media sites
  • Your birthday and anniversary are unimportant to your spouse
  • When your spouse repeatedly makes financial decisions without your input
  • Your spouse gives the appearance of being single when you are out in public together, refusing to hold hands or acknowledge that you are together
  • If you or your spouse gets a kick out of doing mean things
  • If you are happy when you are apart and depressed when you are together
  • When physical abuse is present in the relationship
  • Small arguments lead to a comment about getting a divorce
  • Your spouse spends the night away from home not on a business trip
  • You fight on a daily basis
  • Everyone else sees you have relationship problems but you overlook them

Obviously there are many signs that should give you clues that something is wrong with your relationship. Take heart that no marriage is perfect. However, the first step in dealing with marriage problems is admitting you have some. Once you get past step one, you can move forward on eliminating them, one by one.

If you are struggling with your marriage, please read more on saving your marriage here;
Saving Your Marriage

This entry was posted on December 31, 2015.

How To Be A Better Wife

I admire you for researching how to be a better wife. It takes a bit of humbleness to admit that you have room for improvement. We all have some amount of pride that gets in the way of taking ownership of our role in making our relationships better. I guarantee that if you work on being a better wife your marriage will be better. It doesn’t mean that your husband will acknowledge or even appreciate your effort. However, don’t let that stop you from doing your part.

How To Be A Better Wife

  1. Tell Your Husband About Your Plan – It helps sometimes for your husband to know how you feel. If you don’t think you have been the best wife you could be, confess this to your husband. If he has any common sense he will appreciate the fact that you are admitting you are not perfect.
  2. Don’t Expect Anything From Your Husband – Your husband may or may not feel as though he has any room for improvement. In fact, he might think that if you are a better wife, your marriage will be perfect. Don’t change just because you want your husband to change.
  3. Give Yourself Time To Change – Old habits are hard to break. Just because you fall back into habits you have held for years, don’t beat yourself up. As long as you are getting better and exchanging old bad habits for new healthier ones, you are on the right path.
  4. Focus On One Issue At A Time – You might have one issue or you might have ten. Try to concur one at a time. Perhaps you have control issues, you are easily angered by the small stuff and you like flip out when your husband doesn’t listen to you. You could work on how you react to your husbands behavior but to try to do that and communicate better and be more conscious of how money is spent would probably result in you failing at trying to be a better wife.

Learning how to be a better wife is really quite easy. If you focus on yourself rather than your husband’s many faults you will succeed. He might not appreciate the new and improved you and there could be some changes he dislikes. The best point I can make is that if things aren’t quite right in your marriage you need to try and fix them. Doing nothing is the worst thing you can do. Work on being a better wife should by default improve your marriage. For other tips on improving your marriage, please see here; Saving Your Marriage

This entry was posted on December 29, 2015.

Restoring Your Marriage And Avoiding Divorce

restoring your marriageIs restoring your marriage something you have been struggling to do? Well, I hope you are making progress and not letting your frustrations and marriage issues keep you from restoring the love and bond that can give you a renewed hope and a restored marriage.

Divorce is never pretty and is rarely the best option. In fact, short of mental or physical abuse situations where counseling could not heal the broken marriage, then there really isn’t a good reason to divorce.

So, how can you restore your marriage and put off the divorce? Well, what are you willing to do to keep your marriage?

Are you willing to fight for to restore your marriage? I’m not talking about fighting with your spouse to get your way in the marriage. I’m talking about humbling yourself and putting aside your interest for the sake of restoring your marriage.

Are you willing to stop arguing to restore your marriage? It’s difficult to resist hammering your spouse on any and every issue when you are tired and frustrated. You can find yourself arguing over dinner plans, family visits, purchases or anything else. Can you commit to letting your spouse argue with his or herself for the time being?

Can you ask your spouse to forgive you to restore your marriage? If you have not been perfect (and none of us are) there are probably a few areas you have let your spouse down in your marriage recently. Have you been unfaithful? Have you been a nightmare to live with? Have you used your tongue or bank account to punish your spouse for making your married life difficult? Whatever, you have been doing or not doing, can you bring yourself to asking for forgiveness?

Would your marriage survive if you asked for a truce? It’s hard to save a marriage when you are in the heat of battle. I’m sure your spouse is probably as tired and frustrated as you are and could benefit from a break in trying to bring your marriage to an end. Why not ask him or her to put things on hold and see how things are 2 months from now.

Is forgiving your spouse or asking for forgiveness in areas of broken vows, trust, or confidence something that has been missing? If you or your spouse has been unfaithful it doesn’t mean that divorce is inevitable. If you want to save your marriage, it’s just another obstacle. You won’t be the first couple able to save their marriage under this stressful situation.

So, the question is, are you really ready to begin restoring your marriage? Can you put aside the fight plan you have been following and take a different approach? Please note that nothing I mentioned above is to be viewed as surrendering. What it really represents is a change in mindset and heart. To save your marriage, it will be necessary to use a different strategy. You can find out more about how this can be done by visiting here; Restoring Your Marriage

Do you have what it takes to save your marriage? I hope you at least give it one more shot. If it doesn’t work out you can feel assured that you gave it your all. I think it will work out though. Again, for more tips on saving your marriage, read here; Restore Your Marriage

This entry was posted on December 27, 2015.

Coping With A Cheating Husband

Coping With A Cheating Husband And Healing Your Broken Heart

coping with a cheating husbandI know that coping with a cheating husband is very painful and stressful. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and anyone else who is struggling with overcoming infidelity by a cheating husband. I hope this helps you in some way shape or form in your recovery process.

I don’t know how you found out that your husband has been cheating but I assume you have proof. If not I would like to encourage you to make sure that it’s true and not just base it on your suspicions or feelings. There are many steps you can take such as examining phone bills, credit card bills, car mileage, places he hangs out, emails and websites he frequents, etc., to catch him. If he is like most cheating husbands he won’t be able to hide it for long.

Once you are sure your husband is having an affair, one of the first things I would suggest you do is make up in your mind that you will not make any decisions while you are pissed off at him. Don’t say it’s over and leave before you have taken any steps to sort things out. If you do, you may regret it in the future.

Now, clearly your cheating husband needs to understand that this is not high school and he will not be seeing this other person and still be married to you. Please make it clear that you don’t care about his feelings or desires to let this other woman down gently or with respect. I would suggest that if he hasn’t ended the affair then he has 24 hours to do so.

It’s important that you set the rules if coping with a cheating husband is going to work for your situation. Here are some tips;

  • Your husband must answer any and all questions that you have regarding the affair.
  • Once he confirms that the affair is over he should not be in contact with the other woman. If there is some reason to communicate with her it should be after consultation with you.
  • Your husband should agree that he needs to earn your trust and respect back again. If he doesn’t agree then he probably is not convinced that he has done wrong.
  • Your cheating husband must be OK with the fact that things will not get back to normal until you have had time to deal with your feelings of anger, resentment, shock and disappointment.

Coping with a cheating husband will require you to perhaps make some changes as well. You may have shied away from confrontation in the past or perhaps conveniently withheld your feelings when discussing marital issues. The one thing that you both need to make coping with your husband’s affair a distant memory is honesty and transparency.

If you are having a difficult time coping with your husband’s cheating, please take a moment and follow the advice of someone who has been in your shoes, knows the pain you are feeling and was able to heal her broken heart. See here for help with dealing with your husband’s cheating;

Coping With A Cheating Husband

This entry was posted on December 26, 2015.

Advice For Relationships

Finding good advice for relationships is frustrating at times. Of course there is plenty of advice available but finding help or advice that’s right for your situation is the key. You know that many folks have the desire to help you fix your marriage but unfortunately not everyone has the wisdom to give you sound advice for relationships.

So, for the sake of writing this article I’m going to focus on providing advice for couples that’s practical and useful.

Your relationship probably started out with a bang but is now fading slowly but surely into the abyss. It doesn’t matter how long you have been at odds with each other because the important thing is not where you have been but where you are headed in your relationship.

Advice For Relationships # 1 – Find the good in each other

So often couples looking for relationship advice overlook the very obvious and that is to look at the positives and not just the negatives in the relationship. Once couples get set in their ways it’s hard to get them out of their dysfunctional behaviors. Perhaps you and your partner struggle with finding any good in each other or your relationship. A good place to start restoring your broken relationship is to start focusing on the good things and not just what’s wrong with your relationship.

Advice For Relationships # 2 – Don’t wait for your partner to change

Many of us want to change our relationship but deep down inside what we really want is the other person to change. If only he or she would see things my way we would be perfect together. That’s what I hear many couples saying and it’s the wrong approach to take. My advice is that if you want your relationship to change take ownership of your own changes and start to make them. Don’t wait for your partner to change before you start to do things to improve your relationship. Why not take the lead and let your partner follow your lead?

Advice For Relationships # 3 – Listen carefully and be slow to speak

Have you ever been in a conversation with your partner and realize after a lengthy discussion that you really weren’t paying attention? Sure you had a conversation but you were so determined to win the argument or defend your position that you really weren’t listening. What happens is that although our partner is hurting and trying to get us to see behind the words we are blinded by our pride, ego and selfishness.

By treating our partner like a debating colleague we invalidate their opinions and in effect them. My advice is for your relationship to improve, think before you speak and listen to not just the words but what your soul mate is trying to get you to understand.

I’m sure that your relationship problems have not been easy to deal with and at times have made you want to give up. My advice for you is simply don’t do it. Don’t give up yet.

Please take a moment and read more about how to restore love, trust and respect in your relationship. It will take you just a few minutes but it could change the rest of your life. Just click on the link below to have a look.

Advice For Relationships Restoring Love

This entry was posted on December 24, 2015.

Restoring A Broken Marriage – A Few Helpful Tips

Restoring a broken marriage when you are confused, frustrated and unsure about the future is scary. If you are like most married couples you started off pretty good in your marriage. You were able to overlook offenses and mistakes. Although you didn’t agree on everything it was no big deal because love concurred all. There was little doubt that your marriage would be great. Unfortunately some time has passed, reality has set in and now you looking for a few tips on restoring a broken marriage.

Well, very often as time goes by couples drift apart and things that previously were overlooked are now annoying and frustrating. What used to be cute and make your heart flutter now makes you aggravated and your stomach turn. Ok, maybe that’s a little extreme but I think you get the point. Things just aren’t the same and restoring a broken marriage is now your desire.

Restoring A Broken Marriage

Obviously one of the keys to fixing a broken marriage is, understanding the underlying problems and finding a way to compromise on resolving them. You could find that you are trying to restore your marriage but not seeing the results you expected to see. It’s probably not due to a lack of trying on your part. It could be that the things you are focusing on are not exactly the best things to try to fix at this time. Obviously, if your spouse is not willing to work on reconciling your relationship it makes it that much harder.

There are some marriage problems that are more difficult to overcome than others. If there has been a marriage breakdown as a result of infidelity then there are some trust restoring issues that need to be dealt with. It’s also necessary for forgiveness to be experienced by both the one who committed adultery and also the one who was offended.

A good place to start in restoring your broken marriage is acknowledging where you stand. There is no need to continue masking your problems and prolong dealing with them. I know sometimes it’s easier to hold back and hope that problems go away but in all likelihood if you let the problems go unresolved then they will grow and be more difficult to overcome. The key is to not have a confrontation but a gentle and peaceful conversation about the issues that are keeping you from having a great relationship. Don’t make it a finger pointing discussion but rather a confession from the heart.

Restoring your broken relationship or marriage requires you to set aside your personal wants and desires for the good of your marriage. It’s pretty much the easiest and fastest way to move past your current problems. Don’t let your pride and ego get in the way of restoring your marriage.

If your marriage is in trouble and you want additional guidance please see here; marriage breakdown or help in marriage.

This entry was posted on December 22, 2015.

Restoring Marriage – Ways Your Marriage Can Be Restored

Restoring marriage at a time when respect, commitment and love have gone astray can look like a dream instead of a possibility. However, it is very likely that with a few adjustments in mind and behavior, restoring a broken marriage is possible.

Is your marriage suffering from constant fighting, abandonment, anger, selfishness or perhaps an emotional or physical affair? Well, please know that marriages with worst problems have been able to be restored so don’t give up hope on your marriage yet.

It’s obvious that your marriage wasn’t always this way but somehow as you’ve both matured and gotten wiser your thinking has changed. Stuff that you used to be ok with now drives you crazy right? Has you spouse changed or have you? One of the keys to restoring marriage is to first change the mind and then the heart.

Ok so the first step in restoring marriage is to figure out what mental and physical changes need to be made to renew your marriage.

Mental Changes in Restoring Marriage

So many times in marriage couples have built up so many negative feelings about their marriage and more importantly their spouse that even the good things begin to look and feel bad. Something done by one person a few years ago would have been appreciated and accepted as an act of love is now viewed with suspicion and motives are questioned.

Instead of “thank you” and “I love you” the thoughts of “what did you do wrong” or “this is just a cover for something you are doing”.

restoring marriageIf you want to really restore your marriage you need to return to the days when a smile was just a smile and a kiss was just a way of showing how much your spouse loved you.

Renew your marriage by replacing all of your built up negative feelings and suspicions about your spouse and marriage with appreciation and love for your partner.

Physical Changes in Restoring Marriage

There are a number of physical changes you can make in rebuilding your marriage. Some of them require you to get past the negative feelings and just do these.

  1. Hug (a real hug not a buddy hug) at least 3 times a day.
  2. Hold hands while walking out in public as often as you can.
  3. Put a picture of your spouse as your screen saver on your computer and phone.
  4. Agree that on at least two nights a week you will go to bed at the same time.
  5. Commit to taking a walk at least one day a week (without discussing any serious topics)

The goal here in restoring marriage is to help you return to being good friends. It’s hard to renew your marriage when you can’t seem to be friends or in some cases intimate. Making a conscious decision to touch and be together when in doesn’t involve tense or confrontational moments will help you renew your marriage.

I hope these, couple of tips, give you some general ways to begin restoring marriage.

If you want to restore and renew your marriage starting today, please take 2 more minutes and read more on ways to improve your marriage like thousands of other couples have done. See here for some key ways on restoring marriage. Saving Your Marriage

This entry was posted on December 19, 2015.

Marriage Affairs

Marriage Affairs – Learning How To Deal With The Hurt and Pain Of Infidelity and Build A Stronger Marriage

This entry was posted on December 12, 2015.

How To Survive an Affair – 3 Tips To Begin Healing

Figuring out how to survive an affair when your relationship has just been robbed of its’ trust, commitment and innocence is a daunting task. There are so many emotions to be dealt with and issues to be resolved. There are questions and decisions regarding why did it happen and who is to blame and do we stay together or end our relationship now? There are 3 tips here that I hope will help you figure out how to deal with infidelity.

Needless to say there is a lot to be done if a relationship is going to survive after an affair occurs. Although no one who has been through this experience will tell you it is easy to deal with, they will tell you it’s possible.

There are some who decide to move on with their lives and part ways and I’m sure most people will understand that. You don’t need to have gone through such an experience to understand why infidelity can quickly end a relationship.

However, there are some who are determined to work through their problem. It is understandable why a couple, who has shared wonderful experiences and loved and cared for each other for years, would try to find a way to survive an act of unfaithfulness.

For those couples trying to figure out how to survive an affair here are 3 tips;

How to Survive an Affair – Tip #1

You need to ensure that you control your emotions as you begin to work through this painful circumstance. It will be tough to keep negativity and feelings of anger and rage at bay but it’s crucial that you do so. It’s also important that the person in the relationship who didn’t have the affair keep his or her head up and don’t think they are worthless because their partner had an affair.

To survive an affair and begin the healing process it’s important to be able to communicate effectively and you have the best chance of doing so when emotions are under control.

How to Survive an Affair – Tip #2

It’s also critical that the offending partner or unfaithful one understand why he or she had the affair and also understand the pain that the affair has caused. Whether it was a physical or emotional affair it’s a key step in the healing process and necessary to survive the affair and rebuild the relationship.

This will no doubt require some open and honest discussions. It’s a good idea to try to set some expectations before going into these conversations. It may also be helpful to write down some of the questions and share them ahead of time so the conversations are more productive and thoughtful. You want to avoid discussions that turn into angry shouting matches because of frustrating questions or answers.

How to Survive an Affair – Tip #3

To survive an affair and begin the healing process you also need to learn how to truly forgive! You have to realize that forgiving does not mean you have condoned or understand the reasons why he or she had an affair. To begin the healing process you are agreeing to move forward in your relationship and work on rebuilding trust, love and commitment and setting boundaries so that the unfaithfulness doesn’t happen again.

Forgiving your partner is they key to surviving an affair and will make or break your relationship. If you aren’t able to forgive it will be difficult to move forward in your relationship because the affair will always be a stumbling block between you.

You will not be able to forgive overnight but as you get your emotions under control, gain some understanding of the issues surrounding the affair and start to rebuild the trust and love, you will be able to truly forgive and survive an affair.

Next step?

I hope these few tips can help get you started to figure out how to survive an affair. There are many other steps you can take to learn how to survive an affair and heal your emotional wounds. If you have the desire and commitment to make it through these difficult times I’m confident that you will make it and hopefully be able to share your testimony one day and help another hurting couple Survive an Affair. For more tips on healing see here; How To Survive An Affair

 

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Coping With An Emotional Affair

Coping With an Emotional Affair – 3 Steps to Help Bring Healing

Coping with an emotional affair can be more difficult than dealing with a physical affair, believe it or not. Although both kinds of affairs can easily breakup a relationship, an emotional affair is more about companionship, love and the heart instead of lust and physical attraction.

The emotional affair is a little more difficult to address because it usually evolves over time and a sharing or bonding develops between the two individuals and before you know it emotional needs are being met. As time goes on instead of confiding in his or her partner and drawing closer there is a distancing and disconnect that starts to happen. The person looks for companionship and emotional support outside of the existing relationship.

There are some signs that may tip you off regarding the affair underway such as; spending a significant amount of time online or sending text messages in a very private manner; keeping things away from you such as credit card bills or phone bills etc that might highlight inappropriate activities; consistently lying and about whereabouts. Although there may be suspicious activities it doesn’t confirm that your partner is having an emotional affair, but gives you a reason to take a closer look at your relationship.

So what’s the best way for coping with an emotional affair?

coping with an emotional affairWell, the first step is that you should make up in your mind and heart that you don’t want to cope with an emotional affair. To cope means to manage and I’m sure your desire is to end the emotional affair before it breaks up your relationship. So make sure you are willing to take the necessary steps to bring an end to the affair.

The second step you want to take is begin getting yourself together to deal with the situation. Despite the problems you have in your relationship your partner’s emotional affair won’t solve any of them. As you begin to look closer at your relationship and the behaviors of your partner you will probably have difficulties controlling your emotions.

I’m sure you realize that if there is an emotional affair going on it probably took some time to develop. It’s going to take some time to work through this and the more you have yourself together the easier it will be to fix the problem in your relationship.

The third step you want to take is to begin having open and honest conversations with your partner about your relationship. It’s crucial to began getting all of the cards on the table. This requires both of you speaking truthfully about what’s going on and why. It’s important not to argue and point fingers about who is at fault. The goal is not to tear each other down but to start figuring out how you can work together to fulfill all of each others needs.

It’s ok to express to your partner the hurt, pain and stress this is having on you and how you want to work together to make your relationship better than it ever was.

Coping with an emotional affair is less complicated when you have the right perspective and plan to figure out how to get your relationship back on track. There are lots of resources available to help guide you through the healing and repairing process.

If you have the desire and commitment to fix your relationship and become companions and soul mates again visit here —-> Dealing With infidelity.

 

Home   Magic Of Making Up   Marriage Affairs   Save The Marriage

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